I call it a Dyscalculia Moment. It’s a moment when Dyscalculia impacts my daughter’s ordinary life experiences. In the early years I would be confused and anxious when these would occur. Now, I can recognize and move through these moments with much more patience and understanding.

Recently, we had one of those unusual evenings where everyone had pitched in to clean up the dinner mess without too much complaining, and we had time to play a board game. While my youngest headed upstairs to get ready for bed, my oldest daughter pulled out the game of Quixx. Our whole family enjoys this dice game which involves adding two-dice combinations together, and is great practice for those with Dyscalculia to work on recognizing dot patterns.

Midway into our game, my daughter froze as she looked at a two-dice combination, 3 and 1. “Are we adding or multiplying here? What are we doing again?” she asked inquisitively.

I instantly recognized this as a Dyscalculia moment. Even though we had been adding dice the entire game, her brain blanked, and what had been clear moments before was gone. “We are adding the dots,” I reminded her.

“Oh yeah,” she said, “I saw the 3 and the 1, but I couldn’t remember what to do with them.”

For Dyscalculic minds, this confusion over numbers can appear suddenly, and for no apparent reason. I imagine it’s like hiking along a wooded trail when suddenly you turn a corner and the trail is completely washed out. You look around, wondering, “Did I take a wrong turn? This doesn’t look familiar. Where I am supposed to go now?”

My daughter has described to me that in these moments she will often wait for the answer to come. This kind of waiting isn’t the same as trying to remember someone’s name by pausing and actively trying to recall the name. This waiting happens as a frequent experience when number facts disappear from her mind without warning. She’ll say, “I had it, but now it’s gone. I’m waiting for it to come back.” It must be so disorienting!

It is helpful to remember that these moments are to be expected with Dyscalculia. They are simply par for the course.

I’ve learned that it is most helpful if I can stay calm and not rush to answer the problem. If I can wait encouragingly, as if I have all the time in the world and I am completely fine with this Dyscalculia moment, we will move through the moment with more ease.

In the past I would often pretend I didn’t notice the stumble, but now I find it’s better to be present by letting her know I see it happening. She gains more confidence and is less likely to shut down if she knows I see the Dyscalculia moment and am not afraid of it. It also helps her if she can see that I have confidence she will find a way through, or we will find a way through together. Either way, it’s ok!

I’m learning. Learning to slow down, be present, and provide a safe space by not rushing to fix or pretending the difficulty isn’t there. It’s a process for sure.

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