First grade was an exciting year. We landed a spot in our desired option school in our public-school system. Our daughter enjoyed her new class and teacher, made friends (ones she still has today!), and had an overall great experience.

At the end of the year, the teacher let me know that it would be a good idea for our daughter to work on some math over the summer before second grade started. Still, I didn’t feel worried. Although, years later I would remember this, and see it as another small hint of Dyscalculia.

In second grade the school recommended that our daughter be pulled out of class for a group session with a math specialist a few times a week. Yes of course, that sounded good. Still, not worried. Our daughter was bright, creative, curious, and articulate. She loved school, and teachers seemed to love having her in class. I didn’t imagine there was anything more needed than just a little helpful nudge in math class.

The math specialist was wonderful and kept us updated on what areas our daughter was struggling in, and also when there were successes to celebrate. At the end of the that year, we were given a packet of addition and subtraction flashcards to practice with our daughter over the summer. We were informed that math would start ramping up in third grade, so it would be good if we work on the math flashcards regularly over the summer.

That sounded like a good plan.

Until, the flashcards didn’t go so well. Our daughter resisted sitting down to work on them. She rolled around on the floor. She protested. I was frustrated. Why couldn’t we just get it done even if it wasn’t fun? “Just learn the stupid flashcards!” I thought to myself.

I remember one particularly difficult moment that summer. I was especially frustrated with my daughter’s resistance and was feeling pressure as a mom. Third grade would be starting soon, and we had made very little progress with the flash cards. I could feel my anxiety creeping in. I felt pressure to show the school that my daughter really was a good student, and I was a good parent for helping her do the math work we had been given. I also felt confused and baffled. My daughter was not getting most of the cards, especially the subtraction ones. The card 2 + 4 = 6 would seem to make sense. But if I showed her 6 – 4 = ?, she was lost. As we sat on the couch, trying to get through the cards, my younger daughter, who was in kindergarten, said “Mommy, Sister looks scared. Why is she shaking?”

It was a horrible moment that I will not forget. Here I was, projecting all my own insecurities and performance issues on to my daughter. And here was my daughter, struggling her best to do addition and subtraction, confused, lost, and overwhelmed to the point of shaking and tears rolling down her face. It was not my best moment as a mother.

I didn’t know what to do. There was no way we were going to continue this tortuous work. We would just have to return to school for third grade without mastering simple addition and subtraction.

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