Receiving a learning disability diagnosis is a significant impact on families. There are questions, anticipation of needed changes, and complicated feelings.

It’s understandable that most parents feel overwhelmed. I felt the same with my own daughter’s dyscalculia diagnosis.

When overwhelmed, we often busy ourselves doing all the things, or we do nothing.

We may think that if we get to work scheduling tutors and buying the latest learning supports, then the anxiety and overwhelm will lessen. Or we are simply so overwhelmed that we don’t do anything, putting the new reality out of our minds and distracting ourselves with other less-complicated things.  

The overwhelm we most easily recognize is brought on by an awareness of having too much to do.

But overwhelm can also show up when we consciously or subconsciously avoid our difficult emotions such as grief, sadness, anger, and disappointment. Denying ourselves the process of recognizing and fully experiencing these emotions can cause us to feel a strong sense of overwhelm and anxiety.

No amount of getting things done, or ignoring the situation, will relieve that feeling of being in over our heads.

I’d like to offer another suggestion, something that I have been recently trying myself. When I feel overwhelmed, instead of jumping into my long to-do list, I am trying a new way of first pausing and listening to what my overwhelm is telling me.

In pausing and listening for a moment, we can imagine making space for what is being pushed away. It helps me to think of my Overwhelm as a part of myself that needs some attention. Like a child having a hard time and who needs to be heard.

We can then think about how we might invite Overwhelm on a walking date or sit with it in a quiet space. My favorite ways to pause and listen to this part of myself is to go on a silent walk, or grab a notebook to listen and write out all the thoughts and feelings.

In the new Netflix show, “A Man on the Inside,” the director of the center would engage with her Overwhelm by taking some time to close her office door, turn off the lights, lay down under her desk on her back with her noise-canceling headphones. She had an image of her mother taped under the desk, a symbol of a safe place where she could bring her Overwhelm to be heard.

When you make your own preferred space to pause and listen to your Overwhelm, try to have a curious stance.

Ask Overwhelm what it’s feeling. What is causing the most stress? What does it want to say to you?

Then listen as openly as you are able. Resist making arguments in your head or trying to persuade Overwhelm to feel other than how it feels.

You will probably hear a long list of reasons Overwhelm is having a hard time, but these reasons are probably not the REAL reasons for the overwhelm. But listen anyway.

Then, as Michael Bungay Stanier writes in his book The Coaching Habit, ask Overwhelm “And what else?” In the response to “And what else?” is where you will likely hear the most honest feelings from Overwhelm:

“I don’t have capacity to help a child with so many needs.”

“This reminds me of my own childhood and I do not want relive that.”

“What will our family or my colleagues think when they find out?”

“I’m angry we didn’t find out about this until now.”

“I’m scared I’ll screw this up because I have no idea how to help.”

“What if my child turns out to be total failure, unable to graduate, living on the street?”

When you are listening to Overwhelm, it’s important to just let it speak whatever, no matter how logical or illogical it sounds to you. Like you would a child, let them feel whatever it is they feel in that moment.

Those are some bigger feelings. And it makes sense why you feel so overwhelmed. Usually these deeper feelings are hard to recognize until we give them space to be consciously expressed and felt.

The only response needed to Overwhelm’s feeling is, “That makes so much sense,” or “Yes, I totally get that.” Then maybe sit with the feelings together. Don’t try to fix or resolve it, or explain it away. That’s the hard part. But necessary to move through it.

Sometimes we need help to pause and listen to what’s below the surface of the overwhelm, so it can be helpful to enlist the support of a psychotherapist, a parenting group, or a close friend who listens well without giving solutions.

As you pause and listen to Overwhelm, you might be surprised at what comes up. And often, simply acknowledging the hidden feelings, will bring you a moment of calm, and a lessening of Overwhelm’s demanding presence.

And if you want to flush out some of the overwhelm, I am available as a fellow parent on this journey to sit with you and Overwhelm and hear all your thoughts. Reach out to me to request a consult call and let me know you want to pause and listen, and we will set up a time to do that.

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